i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
