I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
