Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
