So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
