I think I died a long time ago.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
