Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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