Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
