She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My vagina just recognized that song.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
