You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
