Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
