I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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