i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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