I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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