Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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