so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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