Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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