remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
worst night to have a conscience
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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