i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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