she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
