I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
