I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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