She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
