You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
