You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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