I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
