All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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