my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
