I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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