I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
