I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
