I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize