But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
