All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
