May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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