My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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