i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
