I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
