we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
