I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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