My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dicks are not precious.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize