Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
