My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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