Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
