someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i now understand why vodka
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
