My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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