i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
