I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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