Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
