i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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