I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
