how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
