I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
