I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
