i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
