We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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