I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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