Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
