Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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