Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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