He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
