I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just high enough for therapy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
